➡️ Grab my FREE 7-day email course, Substack Launchpad - you’ll get one email a day for 7 days to help build your confidence, consistency, and traction on Substack. Get it here.
Rejection is the writer’s kryptonite.
You put yourself out there, cards on the table, heart on your sleeve. You desperately hope for that magic-infused three-letter word.
Instead, it’s another “No”.
No to your story. No to what you’re offering the world. And of course, what you hear is “No, because you’re not good enough”.
I know a thing or two about rejection when it comes to writing.
I’ve read plenty of posts from fellow scribblers bemoaning the dozen or so rejections their novel submission received. That’s usually around the time they start thinking about throwing in the towel.
Friend, if that’s you, please keep that sweat-soaked towel in your hand.
I sent hundreds of query letters to literary agents in 2022 for two of my novels. I received hundreds of rejections. The most I ever got was 8 in a single day.
It stung.
But that painful process taught me an enormously-important lesson about how to fortify my mind against the damaging effects of rejection.
It’s a critical skill to learn. Because if you allow rejection to eat away at you, you start to believe things about yourself that just aren’t true. Your inner voice will whisper:
“You’re bad at writing. You’ve just been kidding yourself this whole time.”
“No-one wants your story. It’s not marketable.”
“You should just give up.”
I’ve been there, trust me. Sometimes I still hear that sly voice in the background.
Let’s talk about how to deal with it.
1. Don’t ignore the voice
I know this seems counterproductive, but hear me out.
The voice of self-abasement is destructive, but it speaks from a place of truth. You may genuinely not believe in your ability to succeed as a writer, and until you confront that fact, you won’t be able to move past it.
Don’t shove the voice to the back of your mind and try to plough forward with a fixed smile on your face. It’ll only work for so long.
Listen, briefly. Take those misgivings on board. Examine them, and work out where they stem from. Even go so far as to write them down.
Then, move on to step two.
2. Disprove your personal doubt
Once you’ve compiled that list of Reasons Why You Can’t Succeed As A Writer, start tackling each point, one by one.
Not a good enough writer? Rubbish. People have enjoyed your work in the past, and every craft can be honed and improved. You don’t become the best version of yourself overnight. Gold is refined by fire.
No-one wants your story? How do you know? Have you tried every possible avenue? Who could you turn to for advice? Who’s been in your situation before, and what can you take from their experience?
Combat your doubt with logic, because doubts are rarely built on a logical foundation.
3. Learn to expect rejection
You’ll experience rejection way more often than success. And guess what? Everyone does. We only hear about the success stories because they’re cooler.
If you send out 20 query submissions and get 19 rejections, that’s ok. The one agent asking to read your full manuscript is enough to help you further refine your approach. Bump those numbers up - 100 query submissions might yield 10 full requests, and that’s also completely normal. Some authors will get more, some less. I only had a few full requests despite sending bucketloads of queries.
Rejections are almost never personal, so don’t take them as such.
Skim the email, take what you need from it, and move on.
4. Count your blessings
Honestly, this is huge and too few people do it.
One rejection, one negative comment, one bad review. They’re enough to wipe out dozens of positive moments in your day.
Make a habit of actively reflecting on the good things that happened to you throughout the day that’s just gone, no matter how big or small they might be. Recognise where you’ve progressed. Celebrate milestones. Write it all down if it helps you.
If you don’t take time to acknowledge the positive moments, the negative ones will gobble them up.
5. Be willing to endure
Learning how to fortify your mind against rejection is something that takes time to get right. It doesn’t happen right away.
When you start out as a writer in the public arena, the early rejections will sting. You won’t be able to anticipate how much they’ll hurt, either. I once had to cancel dinner plans with family because a rejection floored me so badly. It happens.
Endure. Play the long game. Understand that your skin will thicken over time, and those rejections will eventually roll off you like water off a duck’s back.
Stay the course.
How do you handle rejection?
How do you pick yourself up off the floor, time and again, and keep the fight alive?
How do you persevere when the universe screams at you to “stay down!”?
I think it’s a superpower. It can’t be taught; it can only be learned, the hard way. If you extend the hand of friendship to the world, you can expect to have it slapped away.
The vast majority of people won’t want what you’re offering. That’s a cold, hard reality. But that’s ok — remember, it’s the positive, receptive minority you’re after. Your true fans.
Keep the fight alive for them.
Rejection is a writer’s kryptonite - learn how to make it your yellow sun.
👇 How do you handle rejection? Can you share any personal tips?
